Master Vigil asked me to do this, but I would’ve done it anyways. As I believe there’s significance in what she told me. As i mentioned earlier, me and her had a talk on strong will and also about failures. Yes, she was able to read that even thought on failing makes me to frown. I don’t deny that. I am in firm belief that failure is bad. However, there few things Aayla told me, which made me to think. She asked me a question, a bit of riddle-talk, so to speak.

“You know why trees don’t fall down after storms, when the hardests waves of wind beat on them?”
My answer was rather simple, pointing the obvious - “Well… they grew strong.”

She was getting att he fact that sometimes even despite my strong will, I may fail, because I’m not ready. It’s hard to accept for me, to be honest. I wouldn’t mind to even get hurt for the knowledge. It’s far better to go through hardships during training, so I could apply all I learn outside, to help others, to do my duty as a Jedi. The more I train, the more stronger I become. And if it means to get hurt - well, that’s not so good perhaps, but would it be better to face that, let’s say on a mission? To find out that I wasn’t ready for *that*, during a mission? Would that be better? I doubt so. Miss Aayla responded on my answer with another question: “Yes, they grew strong, but why do they not fall down at the first wave of wind?”
I played along and kept the answer simple again. “Because they have strong roots…”
Miss Aayla seemed to agree, and yes, I know what she was getting at. It was about learning slowly, but with consistency. As someone else put it the other day - with baby steps. That one needs to crawl first before walking. I don’t necessarily disagree.

“A tree doesn’t have will, but still he stands strong, careless of how strong waves of wind hit its trunk
you’re like a tree, but your will alone won’t let you resist on the strong waves of wind, that represent the difficulties you will encounter. You will be always growing more and more resistent, as your roots will grow stronger. but if you face a challange that you are not ready to face yet, your roots will fail to tolerate it.”

Aayla Vigil is good at setting these examples. Really good. The last statement is worth remembering. Yes, I’m hard at myself. But I do it with my best intentions. I don’t want to show off or try to prove something to someone else. Just want to fulfill what I promised, that I would do my best. That I’m worth of being a Jedi and one day, that I would be a good Jedi. I’m still in conflict as to where the line should be. Of course, to train till death would serve little to no purpose. Or to train till hurt to a point I’d be unable to continue training permanently, at that point, that would be stupid as well.  But as long as I’m able to go without excessively hurting myself. Is that okay? Or is it too much? Again, there’s that ‘’scenario” of failing on a mission, because of lack of strong will, because of me not training as hard as I could, because I held back during training. I definitelly need to find some balance there, to get rid of this conflict.

Miss Aayla then spoke about failures. How they are important part of our lives, as they are sources of learning as well. We had rather long talk on this subject. I’ve thought it over and I believe there is truth in Aayla’s words. I keep especially one thing she said in my mind: “What matters is not if you succeed or fail, what matters is if you learn or not from it. You could succeed a test hundreds of times, and then fail it because you never learnt the lesson behind it. You were just lucky. Sometimes you can learn more from a failure than from a success.”

I will try to keep that in my mind. If anything, it may help me to deal with my own failures. To find something to learn from them. So in the end, it wouldn’t be as much failure. Important is to keep learning, getting strong both as a person and as a Jedi. That is my aim, my purpose after all.

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